How To Make A Living Happy Family

The Most Valuable Treasure Part 2

Peacefulness, joy and happiness are always became every family's goals. It is parent's job to ensure those will happen. Sometimes we call ourselves as the one who works 24/7 to make a living for our family. But, does it make our wife and kids be happy?

Ask yourself! How many times did you have a dinner together in a week? How many hours did you spend together at the weekend?

It is just the same as if we want our marriage to be lasted long. All negative communications must be avoided. Communication! Yes, the quality of communications in our family.

Positive Communications

The followings are five habits that you must start to create inside your family:

1. Happy Situation
   Every family members must willing to create a happy situation when entering your home. I think you would say this, It will be hard if you have a two naughty kids.
   

   That is totally correct! But, by starting with you and your wife at first, and then eventually your kids will follow, if both of you manage to make it as a good habit.

2. Greetings
   Every family members must greet to one another when entering or leaving your home. It is just the same as creating a happy situation.
   

   If parents are just had a very bad day outside, at work, or at the way home, try to put those troubles outside your porch, before entering your house. You will have your time to share your stories.

3. The Kiss of Love
   Get used to kiss to one another when entering or leaving your home. Did you know that kissing will make you have a prolong life?
   

   Kissing is a way to release your tensed nerves. By starting your day to kiss your wife and kids, will make you happier, and relieve your muscle tense after ending your day.

4. No Room for Secrets
   Now its time to take your troubles that you had left on your porch. Tell to your family what you have been through the whole day, when you are having your dinner together.
   

   Try to encourage your kids to do the same! Ask them about everything that they had done the whole day! This is the way to build quality communication inside your own family.

5. Room for Honesty
   Children are learning by example. They will try to imitate all what you and your wife had done. When you had already no room for secrets in your home, your kids will also learn to be honest.
   

   Just like I had described in my previous post, if children live with sharing, they learn generosity, and if children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.

Negative Comunications

The followings are family habits that used the form of negative communications:

1. Competitive Family
   A family where every family members are competed on one another to get the most intentions from others. Children who live in this family, are often made their parents upset by competing to get a full attention from their parents.
   

   This is sometimes happened when both parents are having full time job, where family gathering was a very precious thing happened only at weekend.

2. Silent Family
   A family that never had a dinner together, interacted, and communicated to one another.
   

   All family members are too busy with their own activities. All of them do not have the willingness to share all their troubles. A child with down syndrome is sometimes became one of the family members, due to never got an input from his parent when he was just a baby.

3. Rudeness Family
   A family where its members are using their home as a place to avange their bad moods. The term rude is not always meant to do cruel things. Although sometimes cruel activities are happening in this family, due to the bad memories that both parent were having when they were youth.
   

   The rudeness was on all family members expressed, such as, speaking many dirty words, condemned on one another, and always shown unhappy expression. Just like making tiny living hell inside home.

4. Horror Family
   A family where its members were shown unhappy expression to one another. The tensed was high inside the house, and considered on one another as mentally ill.
   

   This type of family is more than the rudeness one. All family members were easy to be mad, just only because of small matters. They always felt curiosity and having no trust on one another. Horror family is also called as sensitive family.

So, which kind of family do you have?

Sekuat Hatimu by Last Child

A song from Indonesian band, Last Child, which dedicated for all mothers in the world. The lyrics contain many awaken words, especially for me. It really reminds me about, how my mom always gave her best for me.

Mom was always proud of me, and strengthened my heart by telling to everyone that I am a very good person, though in real, I am not that good at all.

The Original Lyrics in Bahasa Indonesia

Last Child – Sekuat Hatimu

Ku mohon hentikan air matamu mama,
bila ternyata harus putus sekolahku.
Dan ku pilih gaya hidup yang tiada,
pernah indah di matamu.

Tak mampu ku mengampuni diriku mama,
bila ku cerna harunya arti doamu.
Yang kau panjatkan untukku saat ku bawa diriku,
semakin dalam ku terjatuh.

*
Bila ku tak pernah sanggup untuk bangkit dari,
kegagalan yang tak seharusnya kau sesali.
Karna kenyataan hidup yang aku jalani,
tak seindah saat ku dengar engkau bernyanyi.

#
Peluklah lelah jiwaku mama!
Yang terluka dipecundangi dunia.
Hanya kasihmu yang mampu lindungi lemah hatiku,
yang tak sekuat hatimu.

* #

Peluk hati kecil yang penuh dendam ini!
Ajari ku menghapus sebuah rasa benci!
Biarkan kasih lembutmu sentuh hatiku!
Ubah aku jadi buah hati yang dulu...!!

# #

The Lyrics Translated in English

Last Child – As Strong As Your Heart

Please stop your tears mama,
if turns out I should break up from school.
And I choose a lifestyle that never,
ever looked beautiful in your eyes.

I cannot forgive myself mama,
when I sensed every moving words inside your pray.
The one that you sent it to me when I took myself,
to let it fell deeper.

*
If I never able to awake from,
failures that you should not be regretted.
Because the fact of life that I live,
was not as beautiful as when I heard you sang.

#
Hug my tired soul mama!
That injured manipulated by the world.
Only your love was able to protect my weak heart,
which was not as strong as your heart.

* #

Hug this small heart that full of vengeance!
Teach me to erase a hatred!
Let your love touched my heart!
Change me to become your once baby!

# #

I love you mama..

Child Growth at Golden Age

Your child is your most valuable treasure. Every children are born unique, with their own potentials and characters, having no equal that could never be compared to each other. You might then wonder, How does your parenting style? Will it work with your child? How will your child end up in the future? Read this poem to consider on something to think about your parenting style!

The needs of each child is not the same, because the children's needs are different, and every family also has different parenting style. That's why, parent's response to each child is also different. There's a possibility that other families parenting style could be applied to yours. It's all yours to decide whether you use it or not.

Although nowadays it's hard to parenting your child with so many bad influences around your neighbourhood. The basic of child main education is started from the family itself.

Pictures of this!

A year old to 7 years old child's mind is like a glass of water. A bad education or influence is like a spoonful of tea water. See what's the colour of the glass if it filled with water and, let's say, 4 spoonful of tea water! Another glass of water will purify, by dropping it into the 1st glass of water, that already mixed with tea water.

If I would say that, 4 spoonful of tea water is bad educations in a day, and the 2nd glass of water that purified the 1st one, is good educations in a year. How can we purify our child's mind then, if we can't give good educations everyday in a year, with bad educations, side by side filled him everyday too!!

In a talk show with Donna Agnesia, Indonesian famous presenter, titled Child Growth at Golden Age, Donna shared her experiences caring for her three children, Lionel (5), Diego (3), and Sabrina (1), started with characters building, tips on dividing attentions to all her children, to the concept of children's education.

You may consider the parenting style of Donna and her husband, Darius Sinathrya, Indonesian actor and also TV Show presenter. Donna and Darius are Indonesian famous celebrity couple who love to share their successful marriage and family tips. Below are their tips of parenting guides, in which might suitable to be applied for your child at home.

Become Friends
With her husband, Donna admitted that everyday, she prefered to communicate with her children as a friend. So that the children are to be more open and free to express. We don't talk to our children like a child with his parent, but talked like a child with his friend, by using more simple language. As much as possible to reduce using the word don't, although sometimes it difficult to find the other words instead. If the word don't be said too often, children will become lazy to talk to their parents. Just like when the time we often had prohibited by our parents, then finally we were more open to talk to our friends rather than to our parents, she said.

Just like communicating with friends, when children make mistakes, you can ask him to talk, advice Donna. Instead of being angry with him, better if given obvious reasons when you warned your child about particular mistake. Children are now critical, they will ask back to you. Why did you forbid him? They want to know what was the reason, she said.

Be More Creative
Parents should not be less intelligent and creative with their children, said Donna. Before bed, Lionel always asked her to tell a story. If there was no book, Darius or myself make our own story, added Donna.

You should not always buy expensive toys for your children. You can create a toy yourself from what's available at home. If you can, it doesn't matter anymore, but no need to force yourself to buy expensive toys according to child's age or development. If you have to purchase it, there's a period of time that make your children not always able to play with their toys. What is important that the parents should be more creative, she said.

Family Education
Basic education is within the family itself. Although the child schooled from an early age, family is still be a source of learning indeed. Even so, she was admitted that children in early childhood education is also needed, such as preschool. However, parents have to make sure that they have a clear goal, when register their children to a preschool.

I had to send my children to preschool from the age of two, the goal is more to help him socialize, know with others and learn to share, so that he do not grow into a selfish person, said Donna.

Equal Affection
If the number of children increases, parents need to give love equally. How? Give attention according to the children's needs. At every level age, children have different needs. This is why a different form of attention between the 1st children, 2nd, and so on.

My second child is more demanding, more spoiled. How to handle him is different from my first child. Parent should not be burden with these differences of parenting style. All you need to do is to learn how you can give love emphatically. Just like when we were kids, what were make us happy to be treated like by our parents, she said.

To ensure the children are met their need for affection, it takes a good synergy. According to Donna, when she concentrated on one of her children, her husband played with the others. As much as possible avoid the child of being ignored, and always involve the older brother while you're playing with the younger brother, or vice versa, explains Donna. Parenting is not just a mother's duty, but also need a support from the father, so that children feel loves completely, and didn't feel of treating differently, she added.

Decisive Figure
In the family, a decisive figure is needed for children education. Father is playing important role here, because usually kids are more closer to the mother, so that the father emerged as a respected figure. Children should have a figure that respected but not feared. In my family, My children respected their father, said Donna. By applying her parenting style, Donna hopes that her children will idolize their father, just like she idolized her parent.

Happy Birthday my lovely
Devie Virginia

References :

Gaya "Parenting" ala Donna Agnesia
https://www.kompas.com/news/read/2012/04/13/21333094/Gaya.Parenting.ala.Donna

Cat's in The Cradle

A fruit fell never far from its tree. An original song from Harry Chapin that sung again by Ugly Kid Joe really reminds me. Ugly Kid Joe is one of my favorite band when I was a teenage. If you are a father and have a son, perhaps you should read below lyric from the song Cats in The Cradle by Ugly Kid Joe.

My child arrived just the other day.
Came to the world in the usual way.
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay.
He learned to walk while I was away.
He was talking before I knew it.
And as he grew, he said, I'm gonna be like you, Dad. You know I'm gonna be like you.

Chorus:
And the cats in the cradle, and the silver spoon.
Little boy blue, and the man in the moon.
When you coming home?
Son, I don't know when, we'll get together then. You know we'll have a lot of good time then.

Well, my son turned ten just the other day.
He said, Thanks for the ball, Dad.
Come on! Lets play!
Could you teach me to throw?,
I said, Not today, I got a lot to do.
He said, That's okay!
And he walked away, and he smiled, and he said,
You know, I'm gonna be like him, yeah. You know, I'm gonna be like him.

Chorus

Well, he came from college just the other day.
So much like a man, I just had to say,
I'm proud of you. Could you sit for a while?
He shook his head, and he said with a smile,
What I'd really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys. See you later! Can I have them please?

Chorus

I've long since retired, my son's moved away.
I called him up just the other day.
I'd like to see if you don't mind.
He said, I'd love to, Dad, if I could find the time. You see my new job's a hassle, and the kids have the flu, But it's sure nice talkin to you, Dad. It's been sure nice talkin to you.
And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me. He'd grown up just like me.
My boy was just like me.

Chorus 2x

What we can learn from the lyric, is to appreciate on what we have got. Our most valuable treasure! Your son in this case. If you are a father, you must love your son more than your love to your daughter, and pay more attention to your daughter's manner than to your son! What do you think then?

The Most Valuable Treasure

If God gives you a chance to ask for anything, what would you ask? Prosperity? Longevity? Health? A happy family? The following story has inspired me and I would like to share here in my blog post.

There is a boy who is not capable of following his study at school, and he always needs more guidance from his teachers and parents to understand about his study at school. His parents understand the shortcomings of their son, and always give him support, so that he will be able to see among his other advantages.

Although he is not capable of academically, he is a good boy, have lots of friends. The boy is an active person, who is so kindly on helping others. He always greeted everyone, and try to be friendly to everyone he met, by always providing a gentle smile.

After graduating from high school, that boy died in a motorcycle accident. His mother wrote a letter that was published in a newspaper:

" Today we buried our son who just turned to 20 years old. He died in a motorcycle accident last Friday. If I knew that yesterday was the last day I met him, I will tell him how much I loved him, and how I was proud of him. I would say, what a gentle smile he had, and how cheerful laughter.

After counting all his weaknesses, I found that his disadvantages can not be compared with all the goods that he has. I have lost a good time to say that I really love him, but I believe that there are many parents who still have a chance for it. Say to your children what you want them to listen, while you have the opportunity for it!

I still remembered in the Friday morning, before his death. Before he went out, he called me. What did he say? Mom, I just called to say how much I love you. Bye Mommy!! My son has gone, but his words are still heard clearly. He has left me a treasure. He never forgot to express his love to me. This is what will always treasure my memories, and I will express that love in the form of attention to others. "

Although the boy had gone, he must have heard all of what his mother had said. I'm sure of it ..

My Most Valuable Treasure

Jatim Park 2, Batu, East Java, Indonesia, Oct 23, 2011.