How To Establish Good Relations with Your Mother in Law

My Wife with My Mother (left) at Surabaya Zoo

All my neighbours are always jealous with the relationship that my wife and my mother had. They thought that I was the one who became my mother son in law, because my wife is like my mom's own daughter.

Just like oil and water, so are your relationship with your mother in law. There are many ways to establish harmonious relationship, if you want to be prudent. Relationships with in laws are not easy, especially if you have different pattern of life and perspectives.

As our own parents, son and daughter in law are considered to have less life experience. Lifestyle differences may also be due to generational differences. Do not think that your lifestyles are the most correct. Try to observe your mother in law lifestyles! You may find many positive things that you can learn from.

Establishing good relationship with in laws are not as difficult as we might think. Try the following tips :

Do not compete with your mother in law.
However, your mother in law is your husband's mother. You and your mother in law are having different roles and positions. Respect your mother in law as if she is your own mother.

Make your mother in law as a model.
As the last person comes into your husband's family, you have much to learn how to interact with your husband's family. Marriage is not only to unite you with your husband, but also to unite your family with husband's family. You can learn from your mother in law, how to adapt with other husband's family members.

Try to live apart.
Having your own home after marriage is every young couple's dream. By living together with your husband, you will learn how to become a wife. Minor conflict with your mother in law can be avoided, and vice versa conflict between husband with your mother.

Note your mother in law's favorite food.
Whether you cook for yourself, or buy her favorite foods, it will give a positive effect on your relationship. She will regard your attention to her. This action will directly touch of her feelings. Especially if the food is made on your own. Although the taste is awful, but it will not be a problem. It has shown an attention.

Do not tell bad conduct about your husband.
Your husband is her biological son. There is no mother would able to receive bad note about her son. If you are in trouble with your husband, and wanted to tell her. State the issues by using words as smooth as possible. Despite it all, you and your husband alone that should be completed your problems without any intervention from others.

Do not expect your mother in law to change.
She is not your biological parents. You cannot force her to conform with you. If your mother in law is a widow, come to live with you in your own house, you are the one that supposed to adjust. You should take care and pay attention to her needs. As if you treat your own mother.

Your marriage with your husband has united two families. Good relations must be maintained. Even if you did not managed to establish good relations with your mother in law, teach your children to honor and cherish your in laws.

You should not to discriminate the love between your mother and your mother in law. Children should learn to respect and love the elders, your in laws, although they do not get the love in return. That is to proof our devotion to our parents.

You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving

Note: Above post is an edited repost from my inactive blog.

How to Say I'm Sorry

Just like a song lyrics by Chicago - Hard To Say I'm Sorry. Saying the word sorry is the hardest thing to do. Conversely, if saying the word sorry is so easily for you, and then the same mistake you would have done. Don't you?

To Forgive is To Forget

The point is, if we make a mistake and apologized, people who accept our apology, do not be so quick on willing to forgive us. Due to forgeting the mistakes of others is not that easy. And so do we..

We will not be easy to forget someone's fault, even though that person has already apologized. That mistake will remain to be a scar in our hearts. Although that was not entirely his/her fault, but for the sake of a long established relationship, he/she is willing to be the first to apologize.

Your Mouth is Your Tiger

Our words often hurt others. We've done it without us knowing it. A matter that for us is just a joke for fun, means the opposite way for others. And the worst is, if you said it to make fun of him/her in front of so many people. He/she will consider it to be bullying by you.

Now!! Put yourself as the victim of bullying. How do you feel? What do you do, if you've been treated that way? And, what do you expect from them to make you feel better? I guess, that makes you feel more guilty! But if you don't? You must see a shrink!!

Writing is Sharper than Words

An expression of anger through writing is more painful than the spoken words. Despite of hearing nothing, by the time we are reading it, our brain will immediately distribute it into the deepest of our hearts.

It is different from when we are listening. We still manage to filter out those phrases by our ears. Our brains will still be able to control those words, and not to be distributed directly into our hearts.

Finally, important thing that we must do is, to look deep into ourself, an introspection. Have I been forgiven myself? If we have already been forgiven ourselves for all our mistakes, then we might be able to say sorry, an honest apology.