How To Establish Good Relations with Your Mother in Law

My Wife with My Mother (left) at Surabaya Zoo

All my neighbours are always jealous with the relationship that my wife and my mother had. They thought that I was the one who became my mother son in law, because my wife is like my mom's own daughter.

Just like oil and water, so are your relationship with your mother in law. There are many ways to establish harmonious relationship, if you want to be prudent. Relationships with in laws are not easy, especially if you have different pattern of life and perspectives.

As our own parents, son and daughter in law are considered to have less life experience. Lifestyle differences may also be due to generational differences. Do not think that your lifestyles are the most correct. Try to observe your mother in law lifestyles! You may find many positive things that you can learn from.

Establishing good relationship with in laws are not as difficult as we might think. Try the following tips :

Do not compete with your mother in law.
However, your mother in law is your husband's mother. You and your mother in law are having different roles and positions. Respect your mother in law as if she is your own mother.

Make your mother in law as a model.
As the last person comes into your husband's family, you have much to learn how to interact with your husband's family. Marriage is not only to unite you with your husband, but also to unite your family with husband's family. You can learn from your mother in law, how to adapt with other husband's family members.

Try to live apart.
Having your own home after marriage is every young couple's dream. By living together with your husband, you will learn how to become a wife. Minor conflict with your mother in law can be avoided, and vice versa conflict between husband with your mother.

Note your mother in law's favorite food.
Whether you cook for yourself, or buy her favorite foods, it will give a positive effect on your relationship. She will regard your attention to her. This action will directly touch of her feelings. Especially if the food is made on your own. Although the taste is awful, but it will not be a problem. It has shown an attention.

Do not tell bad conduct about your husband.
Your husband is her biological son. There is no mother would able to receive bad note about her son. If you are in trouble with your husband, and wanted to tell her. State the issues by using words as smooth as possible. Despite it all, you and your husband alone that should be completed your problems without any intervention from others.

Do not expect your mother in law to change.
She is not your biological parents. You cannot force her to conform with you. If your mother in law is a widow, come to live with you in your own house, you are the one that supposed to adjust. You should take care and pay attention to her needs. As if you treat your own mother.

Your marriage with your husband has united two families. Good relations must be maintained. Even if you did not managed to establish good relations with your mother in law, teach your children to honor and cherish your in laws.

You should not to discriminate the love between your mother and your mother in law. Children should learn to respect and love the elders, your in laws, although they do not get the love in return. That is to proof our devotion to our parents.

You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving

Note: Above post is an edited repost from my inactive blog.

Quality of Communication: Key to Lasting Marriage

Image from oneeducation.org.uk

A few years after getting married, some couples would have found their romance was not like at the first time they both met. Both of them were no longer felt their past romances, no more passion.

The waning romance could be increasingly congested due to your busyness partner. You could feel very lonely in your marriage. Especially if you already had children, the time for being together with your partner would be very valuable moment.

But, by the time you were being together, it often that you would spend it on a fight. A trivial matter that being discussed led to a huge uproar.

It can be overcome by the quality of your communication, said Ratih Ibrahim, a psychologist. "Communication can work well, if love and trust of each other is good. If not, you will get lots of misunderstanding. What you're talking about will get different interpretations," explains Ratih to wolipop. (archive)

Based on her experience as a psychologist, Ratih frequently discuss marital issues, and with her own 22 years of wedding, for her, trust is to be one of the key to lasting marriage. " If you have enough trust on your partner, every little things that your partner had done would be forgiven. Nobody's perfect, including yourself, " she said.

Always be positive thinking about your partner. By opening your mind and not always feel suspicion or get easily emotion to your partner, you will always feel with full of positive energy, and then the limited time to meet each other would be qualified. You would feel no longer, a loneliness in your marriage.

When you choose to love and trust your partner, it means that you also must accept all the consequences. True loves for me, means loving your partner due to her/his negativities or un-perfections. If you are willing to accept all of your partner un-perfections, means that you're trully love your partner.

The Perfect Marriage is not Expecting Perfection

Loneliness in Marriage

Loneliness by Paul Delvaux (1956)

Phenomenon of living together but feels lonely is not new in a marriage.

That midnight, Lucia woke up because listening to Andy, her husband, who is typing. Apparently, he was writing a paper for presentation materials tomorrow morning. That was Andy's habit after work, when there's a meeting with clients the next morning.

Lucia realized, there's something lost inside hers. Lucia felt like a very heavy burden pinned her that makes her difficult to breathe. A woman who was at the top of her career, was shivering, not because of cold, but due to her intense of loneliness. In fact, not far from where she's lying, there's Andy, former boyfriend who almost 8 years live with her.

Why I don't feel like the first time I knew Andy? Why even though I was with him, I feel alone?, shout Lucia in her heart, because her throat feels congested. Lucia wonder, what kind of disease is this? She don't have the courage to talk to Andy, who increasingly do not care her. Lucia is afraid of being refused and considered to be irrational fear. In terms of material, they both are two successful young executive. Luxury homes in the elite. Two new sport cars, two sweet and nice children, and the career that is uphill.

A Cracked Mirror Marriage

Many people thought feeling lonely are for those who are single or not married. No wonder many assumptions that by being married, life is no longer to be alone. However, psychological research now shows that loneliness can strike anyone, especially married women.

So what's behind this phenomenon? The cause is due to the environment and the people around the sufferer are tend to ignore. Social and cultural community that is changing. From the nature of community togetherness, changed to individual, is more concerned with their own interests.

Above is according to the article, but to me, a very important matter of a marriage is that:

The Perfect Marriage is
not
Expecting Perfection

Talk to each other is the key. We can't solve our own problems alone. We need our partner to solve it together. Speak up your mind! Do not hide behind your mask! Be honest to yourself and your partner! And then you won't feel lonely again.

Source: Parents Guide, Dec 2006, page 51.